New Years ponderings

I usually don’t go in for New Year’s Resolutions. I just don’t see the point in waiting until then to make a change in oneself or one’s life. Just seems like a way of delaying having to do or stop doing something. If you are going to delay it, you will most likely not follow through with it. At least, that has been my experience and observation. That is why I didn’t wait until January 1st to quit smoking. I quit – cold turkey, so to speak – in July (I think)… maybe August. Not sure.

BUT

I am making a resolution right now. I resolve to stop thinking that everything will work itself out. I kind of have that problem. I feel that if something is supposed to happen, it will happen. That is not to say that I do not work for certain goals, or try to achieve things on my own, but I do everything that I can and let “fate” take over. I have to stop doing that. I should really try and come up with a way to continue working to get something/somewhere until I do or I am told that it won’t happen at all.

Don’t give up, I guess. Yes, that would be the most succinct way of putting my resolution.

As far as having the old year exit on the right note, I have some things to say:

S – You are an excellent mother and very good friend. I am sorry that things are hard for you, but I cannot do any more to help you. All it is doing is enabling you to be lazy and not take responsibility for yourself. I have gathered the courage to be more open with you, but I just don’t have the courage to say this to your face. I do not want that argument. There is too much at risk for you to feel slighted by my bluntness, but I know that down the road, you will agree that it is exactly what is happening.

J – I am not running. I am going nowhere. I will stop standing idly by while you emotionally shred yourself. You must change that or there will be many conversations about it leading to actually arguments. I do NOT want you to “pretend” that everything is great, either. I want you to realize that you are worth more than the constant barrage of negativity you unleash upon yourself. I will do anything I can to help.

Trolls, haters, and racists – Fuck off and die. Eat shit. Gag on mass quantities of Drano. How else can I put this? You are no better than the KKK or Jesse Jackson. I wish for you in the New Year to be faced with having to rely on someone that you hate to save your life. Yes, I want you all to be beaten, car or airplane wrecked or anything to within moments of death, only to have your worst “enemy” be the one to save you. With your mentalities, it still won’t make a difference.

Motto for 2007: Be good or be good at it!